I don’t exactly know how to start this off, or why I’m doing it. All I know is that it’s late at night and I have a lot on my mind. I tend to lay in bed and think for several hours into the morning when I finally fall asleep around 6am or so.
I rather enjoy looking back to all the past relationships and friendships I’ve had over the past 19 years of my life. Only once have I ever truly fallen in love. I’ve had 14 girlfriends my whole life, and only once have I felt the warm embrace of the opposite sex holding me and feeling like everything was alright.
I still love her till this very day, but I don’t know if the feeling is mutual. Probably not. At least not the way I feel. I don’t really look at that though. I can feel that I haven’t been the best friend I can be. In fact after our break up I began to get frustrated with her and pushed her aside. She’s not a bitch, she had always been so kindhearted and gentle. She was so caring and loving, but we started to fight a lot. That depressed me. I felt her and I changing little by little. In the end we didn’t seem like the same people.
Even today though she has given me help, someone to talk to. I don’t get to see her all the time, and she’ll be graduating soon. I just wish I could take back the time I treated her like shit and replace that with the love and happiness she gave me. If I could I would try to be one of the best guys out there for her, but I guess changing myself to fit someone else’s fancy wouldn’t be the smartest move.
To anyone who has read this far, I have a bit of advice for you: Look around you, we are all human beings living this life, and it’s hard for everyone. Even the rich must battle with loneliness sometimes. Do what you can to make others happy, love your friends and family. Never let them go for anything. Put others before yourself and you will find the key to true happiness. You could end up doing great things one day.
Even if I can’t be her one and only, I can at least be the one there for her whenever she needs help.
I look back at the video rants I’ve made and just have to shake my head. I never really went into a rant with everything planned out, I would just turn the camera on and go with the flow! -_-
We Are On Our Way! :) (by ArrowingFilms)